Thankful Thursday

*warning*

I'm down a bit. Not the most postive post out there today.

I've posted a great deal on the thankfulness of my family and their health, and it's mainly because I'm around many, who, at times, are not so healthy, and then there's my own baby girl, who for the past week and a half has had a hard time with viruses and bugs.

Maddie began throwing up Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. I went on in to work, knowing we'd be leaving once coverage could get there. She wasn't running a fever, but couldn't eat without gagging. By 8:30 we were out the door and heading home when I spoke with Sean and he said he'd take off work and watch her. Well, he'd be the only one besides myself I'd allow watch my girl when she was this sick.

I also called the dr. in regards to dehydration. It had been over 12 hours and she'd only had about 2 ounces of fluids with no wet diaper yet. The nurse said if by 2:00 pm she still wasn't peeing to call them back and we'd go from there. I called Sean off and on the whole day. He was able to get two more ounces in her but she still wasn't putting any fluids out. I called the dr. back @ two and she decided Maddie needed to be seen. She said we'd be going to the Memorial office.

Well, as some of you know, I suffer from panic and anxiety attacks. I'm ashamed of them, and would almost sell my soul to the devil to be rid of them, but I don't and instead I try to thank the Lord for them and their humbling ways.

Back to the story...the Memorial office is on the 8th floor. I haven't been there in several years. Actually after the last time when I "couldn't" do it. I wasn't able to go up. I was a horrible mother, I couldn't make the appointment and had to reschedule. Yes, tie me to a stake and burn me now, I deserve it, and my heart is forever scar from my decision on that day.

And, again, back to the story...we walked up 8 flights, get into the office, and then are told that my doctor isn't over there today. I smiled. :) However, since we'd spoken to the nurse several times that day, the office was expecting us and within 5 minutes we were back in a room to see a dr. It was then that Maddie become restless as if she wanted to nurse. I layed her in my lap to get everything ready and her little bird-like mouth opened up for the first time in almost 24 hours to eat. I was over joyed, as I do believe she was as well. :)

The dr. came in, checked her out, said he thought she'd just had the 24 hour bug and was on the mend. She'd lost 2 ounces since her last visit a week ago where we went in for a cold/croup. He said 2 ounces was very minimal. I was ok with that. :) So, we headed back home, much more relieved and worry free. :) It was around 6:00 pm when Maddie become fussy again and I felt it was just fine to nurse her again. I was wrong. After she'd finished with one side, I put her to the other, and after eating for a moment, she just began vomiting, EVERYWHERE. I sat her up and it just kept coming. Her little heart was beating so fast, it absolutely broke mine. She didn't cry, but was definitely started by it all.

We were back to step one. Within an hour she was running a low grade fever and was tired. We decided I'd offer her small amounts of milk every 2 hours. I went and laid down with Maddie and Sean woke us up about every 2 hours. She ate without gagging but continued on with the fever til around 3:00 am this morning.

I don't like when my kids are sick. My fear level runs through the roof and I can't concentrate on anything else. How do you do it? How do you place all faith in the Lord and accept what He offers?

My Thankful Thursday is about little moments. I am thankful that Maddie did not require IVs for hydration. I'm thankful that even with the stomach bug she's been able to keep down small feedings. I'm thankful that her fever never got too high, and that we were able to stay home and comfort her. I'm thankful that her daddy was able to stay home with her yesterday. I'm so blessed to have this family, and yet, at times I'm so scared of losing what I know is so precious.

Please pray that my baby girl finally gets over this hump of colds and viruses and that I trust more in the Lord when it comes to my kids safety and well being.