Overprotective Mama??
I walked into Sunday School today and witnessed a Time-Out moment with one of the kids. I over heard the man asking the child, "are you going to be bad? If you're not going to be bad you can do play." I was saddened and shocked in the same moment. I held Maddie a little tighter and didn't know what to do, run with my baby or simply voice my opinion on the situation.
I spoke up and explained that "We" don't do Time-Out but rather a Sit-And-Watch method and that I wanted to double check that if/when Maddie is placed in Time-Out that it would only be for 2 minutes {her age} rather than being isolated away from the group for say, like 10 minutes.
The teacher in the room assured me that they give 3 warnings before Time-Out and that then the child would only sit for 2 minutes. I shared that I'm in Early Childhood Education and that our views just differ on what is effective in discipling aggressive behaviors.
The little boy didn't look as if he was really upset over being in Time-Out, I mean he wasn't screaming or anything, yet he did cover his face a great deal of time. I was really more concerned about the conversation that was being held with the child. I don't consider children to be bad. I believe actions can be undesirable but not that children are typically "bad". I worry about negative labels on children, and about shaming them for appropriate 2 year old behavior. I agree, we don't want children hitting or bitting other kids, but engagement is a responsibility of educators and understanding communication is extremely important for adults as well as kids.
Again, my class room redirects and practices a method where a child can be moved to the edge of a group, explaining that, "we don't hit, or we use our words," and that when the child is ready to come back into the group then he/she is more than welcome. See, just a small difference in approach, but overall it bothered me so badly to leave her and continue on to church.
I felt horrible for calling out these two adults, I felt horrible for not trusting others to "parent" my kid, and I felt horrible for feeling as if I'm the only one who can accurately care for my child. I also felt like a freak that I don't go with the flow and follow other norms. I know what I feel is important and what works, it's just so hard for me to find a balance between my views {that tend to be different} and blending into society.
I apologized in case I had been rude. I was told, "it was fine..." but I'm worried I've made an enemy before even given this situation a chance.
What would you have done? Do you speak up when you disagree or just keep quiet and wish for the best??
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4 comments:
I like your approach and think it is totally reasonable to voice your concerns. After all this is your field. It's hard when we have to loosen our control over the situation, especially when you're obviously doing a good job! I'm sure your child wouldn't need to be redirected 3x anyway. Good for you for saying something
Becky, thanks for your kind words, but actually Maddie is known for bitting and I think thats why I'm so concerned about how it will all be handled.
My husband disagrees with me and feels life is different and we need to move along with it.
Overall I think I'm just making a bigger deal of than I should, but again, thanks for the encouragement. :)
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Also, I understand where you are coming from about others disciplining your child. It's a tough spot, & I think its great u spoke up.
I have also studied in Child Development, plus worked in a PreK and daycare, plus have done in-home child care.
At only 2 years old, I don't think time out is very effective. Once they start getting closer to 3, then they start to understand.
Like you, I think re-direction is the best method, unless it's a situation where other children are being hurt and the child has been warned. I would suggest taking the child that has broken a rule, and removing them from the activity they are doing and have them sit with a book or color sheet. Do this for 2 minutes, then tell them why they were removed, have them apologize to the adult and to child they hurt (if neccessary), and then allow them back to the activity.
The teacher should have labeled any child as bad. They could have said "your behavior is bad" but telling a kid they are bad, especially at a church, is kinda messed up.
If only caretakers could take care of children the same way the parents would... Dream world, i guess.
And also, u have to think how u would want a child handled if it was your child that got bitten. My son got bit when he was 2 at daycare, that I worked at, and I was furious! Even though I know it wasn't the teachers' fault.
Nobody wants their child to be hurt by someone else, or to be disciplined by someone else, either. lol, it's a no win situation!
I don't mind timeouts but I would have had a problem with them referring to the as "bad" and I would have spoken up and said the behavior may be "bad" I like inappropriate better but the child is not "bad". I also have a problem when children are in someone's care for a single hour and there are problems. I am sorry but for one hour I should be able to keep a group of 2 year olds happy and entertained. As course that is assumiing the # is ok (like 8 children to one adult) and then I better actually be interacting with them (with 2's actually on the floor playing). Of course, there should be 2 adults present. So I also say good for you for speaking up. Love ya, Karen
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