Thursday, June 4, 2009

So Sad

I felt utterly heartbroken all day yesterday. After Kristen called, my world just kind of stopped and all I could do was think about her and all she was going through.

Sean came home and I ran to him for a hug and all I could do was mention Kristen. We hugged for a moment and then I went straight back to cleaning

A few years ago I dont think this would have effected me the same way, but after losing my mom and having another baby, my life has changed a great deal. People mean more to me, my friendships actually effect my life, and my inner circle includes a great deal more people than it once did.

I think for so many years I wasnt able to let my gaurd down because it just hurt too much and now some of the pain has healed and its as if I'm waking back up to life.

I spoke with Kristen lastnight and she is coming back home later this week. I told her she could stay with me and she said she'd probably stay a night with me and that she certainly wouldnt be staying at her parents.

I pray I'll know what to do for her. I just cant imagine the pain she must be in. I pray I dont say the wrong thing or try to minimize her loss in anyway. I guess I'll just follow her lead. If she wants to talk, we'll talk and if not, then we'll just go one with life the way we usually do.

Thats how me and Kristen usually do things, we ignore the hard things and just laugh about the other stuff thats left.


Kristen and I just talked and she's the best person in the world, making me feel better when she should be the one that we're focusing on.

We laughed and talked about what we'll do while she's here: pick up Ms. Deborah and head out to chinese food. Then its playing guitar hero while she's drugged, like she did the last time she spent the night after having surgery. :)

I've missed her so much. It's just terrible that this is why she's coming down.

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