Monday, August 17, 2009

I've spent all evening crying

So, I've spent a large portion of my evening crying, bawling, actually. Sean came home and we talked. I cried some more and got upset and talked some more. We pretty much decided that we needed to make sure we kept as much negativity away from Maddie as we could.

We dont want her to be associated with anything that will cause someone to hold resentment towards her, i.e., very angry parents that cause a big scene, rather than calmly explaining the situation and coming to some sort of compromise.

And what better way to get to a person's heart than through appreciation and food. We all love to be valued and appreciated. Maybe I've been a little too harsh. I have bragged on Maddie quite a bit, saying how advanced she is and that possibly a reason why she's getting upset is because she's bored...which still could be, but maybe I insulted someone by saying so.

Hold on, please, I'd like to go get my coffee...

So, once again, I'll go in tomorrow and ask is there is anything going on with Maddie that I should know about, is there anything I can do to help her transition better, etc. And then I'll let them know how much I've appreciated them, serve them some food, and leave on a positive note.

Sean also asked me if I'd been praying for these people, which I havent, and I definitly should. And not just my co-workers but for myself as well. I can not allow this to cause resentment or anger within my own heart. Right now I'm just crushed, saddened by it all, but with God in control, I can give it away and just relax in His love.

I am so exhausted. I have poured out emotion upon emotion tonight. I'm facing this fear as well as another. May God help me.
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