Maddie is happily trying to give me kisses here...
I've just made the call, you know the one, where you call in and say you won't be making it in today. This is my third call in the last two weeks, and I feel utterly guilty.
I love my job, but I love my kids and family more. My job is a big part of my identity, but my family is my life. Why then am I so torn over work and home life?
I want to be good at what I do at work. I want to be the best, and yet I know there is always more room for growth. I've had a hard time recently with trying to balance work with being a mom. I'm scheduled to get off @ 3:15 each day, yet I usually stay til 4:00 or 4:30 just to catch up on paper work, and deep in my heart I'm screaming, "Something Has To Change!"
And really, you say what's an hour and half added to your work day? Not much really, but by the time I'm leaving work now the sun is going down and I'm heading home in darkness. I truly realized this week that I'd have to rethink my position at work as well as at home. I'm going to have to give up some guilt on both fronts. I can't give 110% to my room as well as 110% to my family in the same breath. It has to be split. Sadly, I must admit I'm not super-Mom and that to have both worlds means to limit myself in both areas.
I just really thought I'd find a better solution that this. And then that's when God graced my day with this article, A Mother's Guilt. The article touches on priorities, giving my all in the moment I'm in, and asking for help. And, it's these three items that I seriously need to consider at the moment.
Yes, my family is my first priority, but having a career I enjoy and that helps to support this family is a must in my life at the moment. Therefore, the second principle comes into play, making the most of each moment. When I'm in the classroom, I need to turn all my attention to my kids and what's going on at that time. Trying to use my brain power to figure out what's for dinner or whether or not I'll be taking classes next semester strips me of precious energy that could be used to help a child master a goal. I also need to look into budgeting my work time and having a "quiting" time. And then when I'm at home, I'm there for my family, and maybe even able to squeeze a little time in for myself.
The last principle, asking for help, wow, this is a biggy for me. I don't do this very often or very well. I'll have to sit down and talk with Hubby about this and explain to him that I do need more help around the house and with the daily responsibilities, and then I'll have to let go of the control and allow him to take on more.
I'm feeling better about the balance. I'll keep ya posted on how it all works out. :)
6 comments:
For me it's a never ending guilt. When I'm a home I feel guilty because I'm not at work and when I'm at work I feel guilty because I'm not at home. I'm not sure the guilt ever goes away. I think you just have to set boundaries for yourself at work and stick to them and live with the consequences unfortunately. For me the only thing that worked was part-time. I feel that gives me the best of both worlds. Good luck finding your balance.
Louise,
I understand the guilt feelins. :)
I think all moms go through this. Something always pulls our attention from where we think it's needed most. I feel the same way and I work from home but hearing the little ones cry because they fell I want to run and check on them even though I'm at "work." (I usually do check on them anyways.) I hope you find your happy median.
Wow - it's ironic you posted this blog today as Josh and I were talking about this very thing last night. We were actually talking about college and tuition - about scholarships academic and athletic. We discussed how we are not rich and therefore he needs to get whatever scholarships are available and if he isn't playing football then he will also need to get a part time job to help cover costs. I said to him if I had made the decission to work and put in him in daycare instead of being a SAHM we would have more money. Shoot I would have been teaching for over 20 years now so my salary would be pretty darn good but we made the decission not to split my time between work and family. Josh looked at me and said he was glad we made that decission. :) We went without alot of material things: we lived in an apartment until we moved down here, only had one car for the longest, didn't go on vacations, only had basic (10 a month) cable etc. - money was tight. Even though right now we aren't sure how the whole college thing is going to work out - I wouldn't change a thing - I do not regret our decission and it is nice to know our children don't regret it either. I do believe in I am third ~ God, Family, Self. Pray about it. Love ya, Karen
PS The only thing that might have changed my mind would have been if I would have had a family member to take care of them but since we weren't in the same state that wasn't possible. Karen
I so feel your pain! I pray to be able to be a SAHM and still afford our house! Not in the cards, yet!
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