Maddie is happily trying to give me kisses here...
I've just made the call, you know the one, where you call in and say you won't be making it in today. This is my third call in the last two weeks, and I feel utterly guilty.
I love my job, but I love my kids and family more. My job is a big part of my identity, but my family is my life. Why then am I so torn over work and home life?
I want to be good at what I do at work. I want to be the best, and yet I know there is always more room for growth. I've had a hard time recently with trying to balance work with being a mom. I'm scheduled to get off @ 3:15 each day, yet I usually stay til 4:00 or 4:30 just to catch up on paper work, and deep in my heart I'm screaming, "Something Has To Change!"
And really, you say what's an hour and half added to your work day? Not much really, but by the time I'm leaving work now the sun is going down and I'm heading home in darkness. I truly realized this week that I'd have to rethink my position at work as well as at home. I'm going to have to give up some guilt on both fronts. I can't give 110% to my room as well as 110% to my family in the same breath. It has to be split. Sadly, I must admit I'm not super-Mom and that to have both worlds means to limit myself in both areas.
I just really thought I'd find a better solution that this. And then that's when God graced my day with this article, A Mother's Guilt. The article touches on priorities, giving my all in the moment I'm in, and asking for help. And, it's these three items that I seriously need to consider at the moment.
Yes, my family is my first priority, but having a career I enjoy and that helps to support this family is a must in my life at the moment. Therefore, the second principle comes into play, making the most of each moment. When I'm in the classroom, I need to turn all my attention to my kids and what's going on at that time. Trying to use my brain power to figure out what's for dinner or whether or not I'll be taking classes next semester strips me of precious energy that could be used to help a child master a goal. I also need to look into budgeting my work time and having a "quiting" time. And then when I'm at home, I'm there for my family, and maybe even able to squeeze a little time in for myself.
The last principle, asking for help, wow, this is a biggy for me. I don't do this very often or very well. I'll have to sit down and talk with Hubby about this and explain to him that I do need more help around the house and with the daily responsibilities, and then I'll have to let go of the control and allow him to take on more.
I'm feeling better about the balance. I'll keep ya posted on how it all works out. :)