Friday, January 21, 2011

Guilty Confessions of a Working Mom

When I had Maddie {almost two years ago} I was so excited to spend 14, solid, uninterrupted weeks with my new baby and kids with no thought of work; however, I must admit that I was a bit leery as to whether or not I'd suffer from post-partum depression due to the fact of not getting out of the house or following a detailed work schedule. 
No, I'm not saying stay at home moms suffer from depression because they don't have a work schedule, I'm saying I suffer from depression/anxiety when I don't have a schedule. It had happened in the past with both my emotions where all over the place, and I didn't want this time off to be in any way negative. I believe exercise saved me from PPD this time around, and even though I loved those 3.5 months off, I was equally as excited to go back to work.
I work with kids. I love what I do. My work hours are awesome. The company I keep in my classroom is awesome. Everyday is a new adventure, and I wouldn't trade it for the world...but what about my kids?
As a mother, in the past, I carried around a bit of guilt for choosing to go out into the work force, for choosing to have a career while having small children. However, 4 months ago, my life changed, drastically, when my husband lost his job. At first I was terrified, and then I realized just how much of a blessing it actually was. Now, instead of my two youngest kids having to be in child care all day, my husband is home to watch them. We pulled Maddie down to two days a week at school and Jeremy started riding the bus {which he loves, rather than going to morning care before school}. :)
I love knowing that when Maddie's at home with her Dad she's building a special kind of relationship that not all kids get to enjoy/experience. Sean is an amazing father and Maddie gets one on one time with him day after day and then still gets great socialization with kids her own age in a high quality preschool. 
And, another great part of it all...I get to fulfill my other passion, teaching. I get to enjoy my kids {in class}, watch their success, and share in their journey, knowing my kids {at home} are so well taken care of. I graduate in a few short months, and I hope with my Master's I'll be able to provide our family with the income that it requires to be a one parent bread-winner. I'd love for Sean to be able to stay home and do what he loves: taking care of the kids and building his own career in self-defense. 
I know we would have more money, more possessions, if Sean and I both worked, but it's not worth it to me at the moment.  Being a family is what matters most, and rather than feeling torn every day that I'm at work, or torn when I'm at home, I feel as if I have the best of both worlds. Some Moms may never understand my desire to work, but it's truly something I feel as if I'm made to do. I feel as if I was blessed not only with three great kids of my own, but another dozen that I get to love as well. Being a mother will always be my preferred profession, but being able to combine it with teaching is a dream come true. :)


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