Thursday, January 12, 2012

Dear Baby Soup: Week 39/40

I knew you would be born in a hospital. I knew this birth would be different from my last. I had wondered why we would need the hospital, would there be complications, would you be early? I think it's more that you're gonna need a little help getting here.

I've been walking around for almost a week now at 4 cm, no telling if I'm actually a little more than that by now. Each dr. visit I've gained at least 1 cm. My next appointment is tomorrow. My due date is Saturday. I wonder what we'll do.

I'm more concerned about meconium and the placenta. After you reach full term there's a chance you'll have a bowl movement while in utero and swallow some which can cause you to be sick, and toward the end of a pregnancy the placenta can just start to wear down and be less effective. I don't want you sick and I want to make sure I'm supplying you with the best nutrients and oxygen.

I've thought about asking to have my membranes stripped but this can simply lead to a couple days of contractions before labor actually begins and I feel like I've been living in that sort of transition for a month now. I wonder if we should start pitocin to help things along. I don't want to be strapped to a bed, I don't want to be strapped in by those belts, I want to be free to move to deal with the discomfort without begging for pain meds and increasing my chance of a c-section.

I'd love for you just to come naturally but honestly little one I'm not sure I have what it takes to wait. And it's not that I just want to hold you but it's that I'll let the fear build and then I'll convince myself I'm inducing for your good.

Oh, Lord, be with me....

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